It’s Just a Structure

In my novel, Profile, JuleighAnn Harper lives in a house on a lake in a western suburb of Denver. That house and setting are meaningful in that I myself lived in a very similar place when I started writing Profile. In fact, when I wrote any scene involving that setting, I envisioned my own situation – the location of the rooms, the deck, the view, the wildlife.

Alas, my situation did not last. My wife and I divorced (no, she wasn’t Evelyn), and I moved out. Since then, my attitude about it closely resembles Arden’s. In the as yet unpublished follow-up to Profile, Arden and JuleighAnn, though not the main characters, do make a few appearances. In one of those scenes, Arden comments on his situation:

Well, yeah, it’s nice. But it’s just a structure. Yes, it’s a lovely house in a beautiful location, but that’s not what makes it home.

I had expressed a similar viewpoint to my wife before we moved into that house. We lived in a simple brick ranch home in a quiet neighborhood. She loved the house, and while I thought it was a fine house too, she couldn’t understand how I could be so blasé about it. It was a nice place, but it was just a structure.

My attitude didn’t change when we moved into the lake house. It was an even nicer house, in a nicer location, with a killer view! But still, it was just a structure. Do I miss it? Absolutely. I miss the house, the location, the view, the wildlife. But it had never really become home to me.

When I write about it now, both in the follow-up novel 1684, and in my as yet unnamed work in progress, it seems to me more like home with Arden and JuleighAnn in it than it ever did for me. Which I admit is sad in a way, but at the same time, it feels good seeing that place now as a real home to characters I love.

**********

I’ve taken a big step. Well, for me anyway. I’ve decided to capitalize on capitalism. I’ve opened a CafePress store. That’s right! Now you can spend your hard-earned money to own things with my name on it.

Be the envy of your neighbors by sporting a T-shirt that provides free advertising for me, your favorite author. Make your coffee taste just a little more snarky by drinking it from a Haydn Grey mug. Hang your keys on a Haydn Grey keychain because, well, I don’t know why. Why not?

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And if you act now, it will be shipped to you that much sooner!

Happy shopping!

Haydn Grey Stuff

Top 9 Facebook Peeves

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Top 9 Facebook Peeves

Facebook is the primary setting of my novel Profile. During the course of the story, the main character, Arden Chase, relates a few of his pet peeves about Facebook, or rather about Facebook users.

That means that those are my peeves. Because Arden is me.

That’s right, anybody who knows me knows that Arden is somewhat autobiographical. His sarcastic personality is essentially mine, and his private life was gleaned from a couple of decades of my own private life. Don’t ask me for details, though. It’s private.

So, starting with Arden’s, but in no particular order, here is my list of Facebook pet peeves.

1. Empty, inane posts. People who post remarks like, “Getting ready to leave for work now,” or “Time to put the kids on the bus” – do they really think we need that level of information? I don’t give a rat’s ass where Kim Kardashian’s ass showed up this time. (Nice analogy, though, right? Rat’s ass & Kim’s – never mind.) So if I don’t care about the inane details of a professional famous person’s life, why would I care about what you’re doing every minute of every day?
2. Vague status updates fishing for inquiries / sympathy / attention / etc. People who post cryptic, uninformative messages like, “I’m so mad right now, I could spit!” Then they don’t bother to tell you why they’ve reached this dangerously unbalanced level of pissitude. “My world is falling apart!” Really, princess? Do your size 2 jeans not fit you anymore? Did you burn your dinner? Did you get kicked out of the Justin Bieber fan club? Stop fishing for interest and spill it from the start, so I can know at a glance if I’m interested. Of course, I’m not interested in incomplete messages like that so, I guess, mission accomplished.
3. People who don’t bother to use correct capitalization and punctuation. It demonstrates a lazy, lackadaisical attitude, and disrespect for the English language, and for their readers. But at the same time, I realize that a lot of people chat on their phones, and capitalization can be bothersome. I still do it, but I can overlook it. (Lifted directly from Profile.)
4. People who don’t bother to look at your profile page. It’s there for a reason, people. If we start chatting, I don’t want to waste time telling you things that I’ve already written on my Profile page. I want to be able to get right to the good stuff! Okay, I’m not really much of an idle chatter, but still . . . .
5. Videos that pull you in with a sensationalistic headline. As an example: I just saw one this afternoon with the headline: They Pulled Over and Started Playing for the Cows. I Can’t Believe What Happened Next! The video showed members of a Dixieland jazz band standing at the side of the road, playing When the Saints Go Marching In to a herd of cows. What incredible thing happened next? What was so amazing, so phantasmagorical that this person couldn’t bring himself to believe it? The cows listened.
6. People who do nothing but complain. Yes, shit happens. It happens to all of us. And occasionally, we all need a little sympathy, a little cheering up. But give it a rest once in a while. I know (on Facebook) an author who has had health problems herself, her husband has chronic health problems, as do both of her children. Once in a while, I’ll see her post something about what they’re going through, but usually, she posts positive messages, things she finds funny, things she’s thankful for.
7. People who do nothing but brag. Yes, the other end of the spectrum is equally irritating. Even the life of the most lucky and/or blessed person in the world pales in comparison to the incredible things these people get to do, how superhumanly amazing their children are, how otherworldly cute their cats are. People have posted that they are discouraged by these posts because, in comparison, their own life seems so full of suck-worthy stuff.
8. Political online riot inciters. Of course politics is an important subject, and yes we need to gather reliable information in order to be able to know how to vote. Just keep in mind that the vast majority of the political memes being circulated are less than 100% accurate, and a staggering number of them are based on outright lies. I’ve stopped sharing partisan political posts. Most of my friends share my beliefs and affiliation, so I wouldn’t be telling them anything new. Those who don’t will only be offended by it, and the likelihood that a political blurb is going to change their mind is probably in the low single digits.
9. Silly questionnaires to determine what kind of (insert ridiculous thing here) I am. Okay, yes I’ve taken a few of them. I’ve found out that the classic novel that most closely mirrors my life attitude is The Great Gatsby. I’ve discovered that the level of sexiness that best describes me is “Super.” It’s been revealed to me that my grasp of the English language makes me a “Grammar Hammer.” But do I really need to know what kind of mixed drink I am? What kind of gemstone? Which mythical creature? No. No, I don’t.

Wow, that’s quite a list! I didn’t realize until I started assembling this list how much there is on Facebook that is downright irritating. On the other hand, maybe I’m just a grumpy, irritable person. But yes, these things piss me off.

Am I going to leave Facebook? Don’t be ridiculous! I love Facebook!

Rave Reviews (Part 2)

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A friend and loyal reader suggested I allow readers to comment on my blog. While I don't have a problem with people praising my creative genius, I am hesitant to allow critics to shatter my fragile ego. However, for the sake of interaction, mixing it up with my readers, yada yada yada, this marks the new home of Grey Matters, where you can tell me how wonderful you think I am.

Let's keep it nice, okay?

As I announced last week, my novel, Profile, was released on Monday, July 14. And the reviews just keep pouring in.

Mark Twain took some time out from his lecture tour to give his impressions of Arden Chase, Profile’s protagonist:

Arden Chase is a man after my own heart, some one unafraid of speaking his mind, even though sometimes it gets him a kick in the hindquarters. That some of those kicks come from his very own foot is, I think, a credit to the man, not the least because he’s flexible enough to deliver them, but also because he’s honorable enough to admit that he deserves them. Now before you get yourself all bent out of shape, I never said he was honorable. Just honorable enough.

Truman Capote, out for a night on the town, and looking fabulous, I might add, had this to say:

I find myself drawn into Arden Chase’s world, including his darling house built in the middle of the last century and facing proudly toward the mountains. Cyndi, the girl next door, well she’s not my cup of tea, but she sure did it for him. All sweet and hot, sugar syrup and Tabasco Sauce.

Yum.

Charlotte Brontë, a tiny, quiet woman with an intense gaze, looked into Arden’s soul and predicament, and rendered this review:

Profile, I will quite freely confess, took me by surprise. Admittedly, Mr. Chase is rather a soundrel, though one in whose company one might feel comfortable. And indeed I did. Curled up in a window seat, the velvet draperies pushed to either side only to allow the pages to be illumined, I ignored all happenings on the other side of the panes. I remained, instead, transfixed to the story unfolding in the book, not putting it down until I reached the satisfying conclusion.

Charles Dickens is another fan. I met Chuck in the orphanage, growing up back in the hood. Even then, he had great expectations for me, though influence regarding hair style left something to be desired. I have to say, though, that he has fine taste in literature:

He was the best of men, he was the worst of men. Aye, I have spoke similar words before, and yet I utter them here in description of Arden Chase, a kind, sarcastic, loving, irritable, good-natured fellow. But a man whose lot in life, sadly, has led him to consort with fallen women. Although in this way, he does not make the best use of his time, or of his influence, he does indeed present a tale both ominous and engaging. For though he is in possession of a rather pleasing countenance, one which, if used properly, might advance him in the right circles, he avails himself of little wisdom and exercises rather poor judgment. Witnessing his attempts to navigate safely through the consequences of his actions gives one a terrible turn, yet they are a joy to behold.

Oscar Wilde was happy to offer his insight on Profile:

I was, I must admit, irritated at first when asked to read Profile and give my comments. It was not the giving of comments that irritated me, for nothing pleases me more than administering a liberal dose of my opinion. It was, rather, the interruption of my leisurely study and critique of my neighbours which caused my consternation. And the fact that said interruption was to read a book? I could scarcely abide the thought of doing anything of such an intellectual nature until I quite happily realised that it would involve a few hours of blissful inactivity.

And thus I am happy to report that my idle time resulted in my making a new literary friend. Arden Chase proved to be a man of extraordinary character, and I mean that in the most wonderfully nefarious way. His affiliation with members of the so-called weaker sex proved them to be, actually, quite the opposite.

I shall not deign to reveal the outcome of his communion, for that would withhold from you, the reader, the very joy of being you, the reader. Buy the book, spend some hours of blissful inactivity, and see if you do not, in fact, agree completely with my altogether knowledgeable assessment. 

Profile is currently available at Amazon for the Kindle, at Barnes and Noble for the Nook, and at Kobo for various other devices. (If you're waiting for the print version, wait a bit. It won't be long.)

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